So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
