Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
