You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
