how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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