I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
