Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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