just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
