And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
