my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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