i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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