Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize