We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
