Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
