Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
