Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
