So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
