is your mom at the bar?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
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