The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
