Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
