question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
