kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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