I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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