It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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