His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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