The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
