Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
