i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bring money and cleavage
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
