this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I want is dick and wine.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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