So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.