my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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