Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something