i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.