omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.