Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
