I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
