Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
