Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
