waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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