Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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