I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
