I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
false alarm, still single
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
