Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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