Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
