i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
