I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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