Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
