Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
