like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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