Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We're too hungover to prance.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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