Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
