The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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