I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
how does that bad decision feel?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize