i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
