Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
