I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
