Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
