I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just invented taco cereal.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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