just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
