3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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