How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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