I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize