During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Small penises have feelings too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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