There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
