It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
