I just pynch a tree in the face
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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