like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
