Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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