apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
