Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
